Sexual Abuse

Setting Boundaries

By But first, xanax. on August 31, 2020 • ( 0 )

I havent been too active on here lately and it sucks, because I love this blog. It is so much of part of me and my journey. I have been trying to focus on myself lately. Doing a deep-dive if… Read More ›

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I lost the colors…

By But first, xanax. on July 20, 2020 • ( 0 )

I feel this need to write. Like an ache in my soul. But as I sit here, staring at this screen, I have nothing. No pretty words, no uplifting quotes, no positive outlook. I am devoid even of anger. I… Read More ›

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Because it had a lock.

By But first, xanax. on July 16, 2020 • ( 2 )

During the time I was being molested, meaning as a child, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom of the home I was molested in (FYI not my own home). The bathroom felt like a safe place because… Read More ›

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The Definition of Consent.

By But first, xanax. on July 15, 2020 • ( 1 )

You want to know what means Yes? The word Yes. It’s that simple. Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

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Pedophilia is not a sexual orientation.

By But first, xanax. on July 13, 2020 • ( 5 )

I saw this stupid video on Facebook and it set me off. It was some clips of two Ted Talks where two women discussed their belief that Pedophiles can’t help their nature, that they shouldn’t be shunned or eliminated from… Read More ›

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Attention

By But first, xanax. on July 9, 2020 • ( 2 )

I’ve heard it said more than once about people with mental illness that they are “attention seeking”. Especially about teenagers. For one thing if you fake a mental illness for attention, you do in fact, have some form of a… Read More ›

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Break the Silence. End Rape Culture.

By But first, xanax. on July 8, 2020 • ( 0 )

Every 73 seconds an American is Sexually Assaulted. (1) An American. This doesn’t even include the other billions of people in the world. (1) “You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with… Read More ›

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Little girl…

By But first, xanax. on July 6, 2020 • ( 0 )

Little girl, I know your pain. I know you’re scared and that you feel so alone. I know that the creak of that door opening is your nightmare. I know that you fear being left with him. I know that… Read More ›

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Salt and Sadness

By But first, xanax. on July 3, 2020 • ( 0 )

Have you ever stood on a Cliffside in the middle of the night and contemplated the jump Looked into the darkness with the wind whipping around you Watched the waves crashing against the rocks Have you envisioned the biting cold… Read More ›

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Making the victim the perpetrator.

By But first, xanax. on July 2, 2020 • ( 0 )

One of the sad realities for sexual abuse survivors is that some of the people around them, even and especially their own family, turn them into the perpetrator, rather than the victim. Some family will continue to talk to the… Read More ›

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But first xanax is: www.butfirstxanax.com

By But first, xanax. on June 22, 2020 • ( 0 )

Hello everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that my page is now simply, but first, Xanax http://www.butfirstxanax.com I am beyond excited to make my blog easier to read and navigate, and more aesthetically pleasing. I also wanted to… Read More ›

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High School and…Death?

By But first, xanax. on June 9, 2020 • ( 0 )

So I was looking at a Facebook page for the graduating year of my High School class, and I noticed quite a few people who passed away from that year. What surprised me wasn’t their deaths but more my emotions… Read More ›

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month…

By But first, xanax. on May 28, 2020 • ( 2 )

And I haven’t made a post???? There are reasons. I’ve himmed and hawed about what to post all month. This month is important to anyone who is a Mental Health Advocate, but I didn’t only want to publish another cliche… Read More ›

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New Endings

By But first, xanax. on December 31, 2019 • ( 2 )

The most amazing thing happened last night. I was doing my normal nighttime routine, taking my medication when I realized I’ve only been taking three meds. I normally take five. I was floored. I stopped to think when the last… Read More ›

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Are some things too private for the internet?

By But first, xanax. on November 14, 2019 • ( 4 )

I’ve made it my MO to basically put it all out there. I have friends and family who regularly read this blog but I decided from the very first post I wrote here that if I posted at all I… Read More ›

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I haven’t been writing lately… (PT 1)

By But first, xanax. on October 26, 2019 • ( 3 )

Not sure if anyone has noticed. I just…have been so down that I feel like all my writing is coming from this dark place inside me. I feel like the writing itself is becoming the burden I believe myself to… Read More ›

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Sadness. Have I already used that title?

By But first, xanax. on October 15, 2019 • ( 5 )

I feel as if I’m enveloped in sadness right now. It’s like a vice around me, gripping to my arms and wrapping around my shoulders. I can’t escape it. I just want to be free of this darkness that is… Read More ›

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Ragdoll

By But first, xanax. on September 27, 2019 • ( 0 )

You’ve ripped out my eyes and replaced them with old buttons and I can’t see My legs are filled with sand, heavy and useless now It’s terrifying, this new body I have I can feel you stitching, always sewing and… Read More ›

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Dropoff

By But first, xanax. on September 14, 2019 • ( 0 )

Can you feel the crushing weight of your sadness when your lungs are heavy with it? Falling weightless, but suffocating in the vastness of the void rushing emptiness surrounding you and the realization that you are nothing fear starts consuming… Read More ›

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Validation

By But first, xanax. on September 12, 2019 • ( 0 )

I’m seeking again Looking into all their eyes Searching for validation Holding their faces in my hands Screaming into their ears Call me pretty Tell me what I want to hear Make me feel worthy Of this life I am… Read More ›

But first, Xanax.

I have already lived a thousand lives, and I have yet to live a thousand more.

Sexual Abuse

I lost the colors…

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Because it had a lock.

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The Definition of Consent.

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Attention

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Little girl…

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Salt and Sadness

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Making the victim the perpetrator.

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High School and…Death?

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month…

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New Endings

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Are some things too private for the internet?

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I haven’t been writing lately… (PT 1)

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Sadness. Have I already used that title?

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Ragdoll

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Dropoff

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Validation

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