Rape

I lost the colors…

By But first, xanax. on July 20, 2020 • ( 0 )

I feel this need to write. Like an ache in my soul. But as I sit here, staring at this screen, I have nothing. No pretty words, no uplifting quotes, no positive outlook. I am devoid even of anger. I… Read More ›

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Because it had a lock.

By But first, xanax. on July 16, 2020 • ( 2 )

During the time I was being molested, meaning as a child, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom of the home I was molested in (FYI not my own home). The bathroom felt like a safe place because… Read More ›

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The Definition of Consent.

By But first, xanax. on July 15, 2020 • ( 1 )

You want to know what means Yes? The word Yes. It’s that simple. Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

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Pedophilia is not a sexual orientation.

By But first, xanax. on July 13, 2020 • ( 5 )

I saw this stupid video on Facebook and it set me off. It was some clips of two Ted Talks where two women discussed their belief that Pedophiles can’t help their nature, that they shouldn’t be shunned or eliminated from… Read More ›

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Break the Silence. End Rape Culture.

By But first, xanax. on July 8, 2020 • ( 0 )

Every 73 seconds an American is Sexually Assaulted. (1) An American. This doesn’t even include the other billions of people in the world. (1) “You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with… Read More ›

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Little girl…

By But first, xanax. on July 6, 2020 • ( 0 )

Little girl, I know your pain. I know you’re scared and that you feel so alone. I know that the creak of that door opening is your nightmare. I know that you fear being left with him. I know that… Read More ›

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Salt and Sadness

By But first, xanax. on July 3, 2020 • ( 0 )

Have you ever stood on a Cliffside in the middle of the night and contemplated the jump Looked into the darkness with the wind whipping around you Watched the waves crashing against the rocks Have you envisioned the biting cold… Read More ›

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Making the victim the perpetrator.

By But first, xanax. on July 2, 2020 • ( 0 )

One of the sad realities for sexual abuse survivors is that some of the people around them, even and especially their own family, turn them into the perpetrator, rather than the victim. Some family will continue to talk to the… Read More ›

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But first xanax is: www.butfirstxanax.com

By But first, xanax. on June 22, 2020 • ( 0 )

Hello everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that my page is now simply, but first, Xanax http://www.butfirstxanax.com I am beyond excited to make my blog easier to read and navigate, and more aesthetically pleasing. I also wanted to… Read More ›

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High School and…Death?

By But first, xanax. on June 9, 2020 • ( 0 )

So I was looking at a Facebook page for the graduating year of my High School class, and I noticed quite a few people who passed away from that year. What surprised me wasn’t their deaths but more my emotions… Read More ›

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month…

By But first, xanax. on May 28, 2020 • ( 2 )

And I haven’t made a post???? There are reasons. I’ve himmed and hawed about what to post all month. This month is important to anyone who is a Mental Health Advocate, but I didn’t only want to publish another cliche… Read More ›

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Validation

By But first, xanax. on September 12, 2019 • ( 0 )

I’m seeking again Looking into all their eyes Searching for validation Holding their faces in my hands Screaming into their ears Call me pretty Tell me what I want to hear Make me feel worthy Of this life I am… Read More ›

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 3)

By But first, xanax. on September 11, 2019 • ( 0 )

Riley. The worst of the bunch. My biggest regret. Six, (or was it seven?) years of my life, wasted. Years I can never get back. Years I could’ve done so much more than what I did. I now hate the… Read More ›

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 2)

By But first, xanax. on September 10, 2019 • ( 0 )

After Joseph, I was raped. I have a separate blog post about that so I won’t go into detail here but my binge drinking and smoking led me to a party, that led me to be drunk, that led me… Read More ›

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 1)

By But first, xanax. on September 9, 2019 • ( 0 )

I think this is going to be a long one. Hence the “part 1”. There is just so much I have to say on this topic. I don’t even really know where to start. I guess I’ll start at the… Read More ›

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Venom

By But first, xanax. on September 6, 2019 • ( 0 )

I hope someday you come across this blog and it makes you squirm. I hope you read what I write about you and immediately feel disgusted by yourself knowing that I blasted it for the world to know. I may… Read More ›

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I trusted you.

By But first, xanax. on August 29, 2019 • ( 2 )

**Trigger warning**The following is about my personal sexual abuse. Please stop reading if you find this content too difficult to read. It’s the middle of the night and I know he will be here soon. I never sleep when I’m… Read More ›

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144 Followers

By But first, xanax. on August 24, 2019 • ( 0 )

I am so beyond grateful. I will never stop being surprised when my follower count goes up. Bless every single one of you and just know, I will always be humbled that you all take the time to read my… Read More ›

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Flow

By But first, xanax. on August 24, 2019 • ( 0 )

When it flows I feel the best My fingers type fast flying over the keys I don’t think I just type and all my emotions spill out like my very blood that’s what all this is don’t you know? my… Read More ›

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Working on something…

By But first, xanax. on August 23, 2019 • ( 0 )

Guys (and ladies!), I’m working on something BIG! I think I’m going to try and publish a book of poetry!!!! (!!) What do you all think??? Let me know! I would be selling on Amazon.

But first, Xanax.

I have already lived a thousand lives, and I have yet to live a thousand more.

Rape

I lost the colors…

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Because it had a lock.

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The Definition of Consent.

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Little girl…

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Salt and Sadness

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Making the victim the perpetrator.

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High School and…Death?

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month…

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Validation

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 3)

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 2)

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Let’s talk about my ex’s (Part 1)

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Venom

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I trusted you.

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144 Followers

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Flow

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Working on something…

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