I havent been too active on here lately and it sucks, because I love this blog. It is so much of part of me and my journey. I have been trying to focus on myself lately. Doing a deep-dive if… Read More ›
Mania
“Father of mine, tell me where did you go? You had the world inside your hand but you did not seem to know”
I have been missing you lately. The long nights we would stay up and you would play classic rock music. You had that 90’s “state of the art” stereo and sound system, the one you had since I was a… Read More ›
Chronic Fatigue is definitely a thing, and PCOS sucks.
Here’s why… I know a product of PCOS is chronic fatigue. It is also a symptom of mental illness. Being tired all of the time is ruthless though. When people say “I’m tired,” you know they generally mean they are… Read More ›
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…
I have pictures of you and us, tucked away between the pages of books, hidden in shoe boxes and in the back of photo albums and in the bottom of desk drawers. I come across them once in a while… Read More ›
I lost the colors…
I feel this need to write. Like an ache in my soul. But as I sit here, staring at this screen, I have nothing. No pretty words, no uplifting quotes, no positive outlook. I am devoid even of anger. I… Read More ›
Because it had a lock.
During the time I was being molested, meaning as a child, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom of the home I was molested in (FYI not my own home). The bathroom felt like a safe place because… Read More ›
Attention
I’ve heard it said more than once about people with mental illness that they are “attention seeking”. Especially about teenagers. For one thing if you fake a mental illness for attention, you do in fact, have some form of a… Read More ›
Break the Silence. End Rape Culture.
Every 73 seconds an American is Sexually Assaulted. (1) An American. This doesn’t even include the other billions of people in the world. (1) “You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with… Read More ›
Chasing the highs and lows
The thing I hate the most about my Bipolar disorder is the constant medication changes. I am always chasing the balance between the highs and the lows. When I am too low medication has to changed. Then I am too… Read More ›
Little girl…
Little girl, I know your pain. I know you’re scared and that you feel so alone. I know that the creak of that door opening is your nightmare. I know that you fear being left with him. I know that… Read More ›
Salt and Sadness
Have you ever stood on a Cliffside in the middle of the night and contemplated the jump Looked into the darkness with the wind whipping around you Watched the waves crashing against the rocks Have you envisioned the biting cold… Read More ›
But first xanax is: www.butfirstxanax.com
Hello everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that my page is now simply, but first, Xanax http://www.butfirstxanax.com I am beyond excited to make my blog easier to read and navigate, and more aesthetically pleasing. I also wanted to… Read More ›
The things about OCD that people without OCD don’t know.
So I have OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s very mild compared to others, and I am so grateful for that. What I learned through my diagnosis though was that there are many symptoms of OCD that people probably are… Read More ›
Personing is hard.
I got to thinking the other night, it’s hard to be a person. Like, how am I supposed to do all the things? I have to complete all my schoolwork and meet all those deadlines while actually achieving good grades…. Read More ›
High School and…Death?
So I was looking at a Facebook page for the graduating year of my High School class, and I noticed quite a few people who passed away from that year. What surprised me wasn’t their deaths but more my emotions… Read More ›
May is Mental Health Awareness Month…
And I haven’t made a post???? There are reasons. I’ve himmed and hawed about what to post all month. This month is important to anyone who is a Mental Health Advocate, but I didn’t only want to publish another cliche… Read More ›
Time keeps on slipping, into the future…
I can feel my mental health slipping right now, and it is rough. I waited too long to fill a few of my medications, and of course, they won’t be here until the end of next week, so that’s fun…. Read More ›
New Endings
The most amazing thing happened last night. I was doing my normal nighttime routine, taking my medication when I realized I’ve only been taking three meds. I normally take five. I was floored. I stopped to think when the last… Read More ›
The Grinch (The Jim Carrey Version FYI)
As you get older do you relate to the Grinch more or is that just me? I am going to outline a few very good reasons why I totally feel like the Grinch is my secret soul twin lately. He… Read More ›
At the cost of my liver.
Hello. It’s been a while. And for good reason. I feel good. Great in fact, this past month or so. I feel as close to baseline as I can feel. But. There’s always a but. In my sane, logical, and… Read More ›
