I am longing for fall so badly it aches inside. I hate the summer. When I was in high school summer was my escape. Lying by the pool, soaking up the sun, getting tan and swimming in my parents pool. Being away from school where I was shunned. I could stay in my room, listen to music, and read and write poetry all day. It was wonderful. That has greatly changed since becoming an adult.

The older I get the more and more I hate summer.

It isn’t just the heat, though that does not help. In southern California, no one enjoys a day when it’s 106 degrees outside. It’s everything about the summer. The feeling of sweat. The air so thick you can’t breathe. The grass wilting and the trees tipping towards the hot asphalt. When you awake at 7:00 am and it is already 80 degrees and you just know it is going to be a miserable day.

Sure, swimming is fun if you know someone with a pool. Camping is nice if you have the money or the time to get away. The beach is great too. But even that I prefer in fall, when the fog has started to drift in, and the seas are showing their first signs of emotion, rumbling with the beginnings of winter storms. When the rain comes and washes all the dust off and the ground smells like fresh dirt and wet grass. Bring me that weather.

When I can layer my pajamas, sit in my office typing away my thoughts and drink my coffee, looking out at the world-that’s when I feel I can breathe a sigh of relief. Fall is when the world resets. It is Halloween, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It is lights, and snow, and candles. It is cookies and pie, and warm cider, and hot coffee. Long baths, and deep conversations next to fireplaces. And honestly, it is everything the world needs right now.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Categories: Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Current Events, Depression, Mental Health, self-care, Writing

Tags: #bipolar #manic #depressive #moodswings #highs #lows #writting #writting #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #endthestigma #anxiety #struggle #meds, #travel #fall #autumn #beach #fog #weather #halloween #holidays #christmas #selfcare