California recently revised the Statute of Limitations for Sexual Abuse reporting to 40 years. That means that a victim of child sexual abuse can report the events of sexual abuse within 40 years of its occurrence.
This gives victims time to process the trauma. This also helps in the case of repressed memories recovered during therapy sessions. It is a huge step in the right direction, in my opinion, for victims and survivors of sexual trauma.
On that same note, I don’t know what to do with this information. I feel blindsided. I made a choice long ago to keep my silence and for most of my life, twenty years or so, it has been tearing me apart.
I’ve written about my trauma. About how it affected my childhood, the nightmares I have, and the bad relationships and situations it has driven me into. How it still affects me. I’ve seen therapists on and off for years. I’ve seen doctors and psychiatrists and still do. I’ve had a mental breakdown and almost committed suicide, and contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I’ve drunk too much and smoked too much. I have PTSD and severe flashbacks. It haunts me.
Yet it isn’t enough. No justice has ever been served. He is still free to walk the earth. Having done what he did and no one actually knowing it. While people think that he is a God serving man. A good man. While I agonize over it. While it still wrecks my life. No amount of medication or therapy can give back what he took and here I have been given the power to change that. To come face to face with it and make him responsible for his actions. Do I do it? I don’t know what to do. Doing anything will be willingly dropping a bomb at my feet, knowing it will explode and waiting for the aftermath, but not knowing what that aftermath will do. To my life, or anyone else’s.
I feel so lost.
Categories: Mental Health