“I don’t even know how I feel lately…”

I feel like I am failing right now. I know that it’s a high possibility that this is just my brain doing what it does and filling me with negative self-talk, but I feel so much shame and sadness for no reason. I am so overwhelmed. I’m not sure if I will even post this. I just had to write to get it out somehow some way. Without taking shots, or cutting, or numbing the pain, day in and day out with anxiety pills “as needed.” So I sit here alone, crying. Thankful for once that my husband is not here to see it because I don’t want to conceal it, try and explain it, or wipe the tears away.
I want to feel like this. I don’t even want to explore why I feel this way. If it’s my current class in school and the asshole teacher I have, if it’s medication changes, work stress, family stress, COVID stress. I don’t care. There’s a song I have been listening too lately, and it says,

“I don’t even know how I feel lately, I don’t even know what’s real lately.”

Zhavia Ward-Deep Down

I understand that lyric in my soul. It seems like my life is a series of mistakes. That I consistently wander off the right path into that dark forest with all the signs that say, “TURN AWAY,” “DO NOT ENTER.” I wish I had a friend like me, someone who knows what it’s like to have Bipolar and to feel like this. Someone who could sit in silence with me and just…know. It’s hard always feeling alone, even in places full of people.

Jasmine ♥

Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Current Events, Depression, Mental Health, Music, OCD, PTSD, Self Esteem, self-care, Suicide

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

I survived sex trafficking

My story of survival, desperation, aftermath.. and hope❤️

ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse

An abuse survivor's views on child abuse, its aftermath, and abuse-related issues

Thorn Mooney

Witch Author | Wiccan Priestess | Covenleader

Once Upon The Wytching Hour

Lost in the woods....

%d bloggers like this: