Hello. It’s been a while. And for good reason. I feel good. Great in fact, this past month or so. I feel as close to baseline as I can feel. But. There’s always a but.
In my sane, logical, and medicated state, my brain asked me this: are all these meds good for you in the long term? So now I’m concerned.
I want to feel like this. I hate the spiraling out of control I did for so long. The better part of this entire year honestly was spent trying to get my mind back into a healthy place, so I can’t bear the thought of changing my meds again. But what about my body? Especially like, my liver?
I don’t want to hurt myself in the long run either. Is this just the cost of my sanity? Damned if you do damned if you don’t? Are these my only options? Crazy insane or insane crazy?
So I told my doctor I’m concerned. I think he’ll probably taper some things down but I’m nervous as hell. I don’t want to spiral again. I can’t go back there. It’s a terrifying place. Being in the blackness of my mind. Trapped in the dark.
Do I simply accept my defeat, stay on the meds I’m on? I’m just not sure…stay tuned.