Rapid Cycling

Manic. Depressed. Manic. Depressed. Manic. Depressed. I have been going through this for over a week now and I am sick of it. Spoiler alert: this post will be me complaining a lot. You know why? Because I am sick of being bipolar. Right now I am sick of feeling so much all the time. I am sick of being manic and then depressive. I am sick of the mood swings and the rapid cycling, sick of wanting to be dead sometimes, sick of wanting to cry all the time others. I am sick of trying to explain why I feel the way I feel to people who don’t understand how it feels. Sick of having breakdowns, holding in tears, feeling unworthy of life and love. Sick of hating myself, my body, my mind. I just want to be normal. Whatever normal is for most people. That is what I want. I want to not feel all the emotions, all the time. I want to go through life with a normal perspective on things. Not be up and down and right and left. Just be, normal.



Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Mental Health, OCD, PTSD, Self Esteem, self-care, Suicide, Writing

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4 replies

  1. That mythical baseline “normal” state that we with mental health issues see as some kind of Eden just out of our reach — it doesn’t exist. The most seemingly “normal” among us only seem so because they actually put effort into maintaining that image. Therefore, I have little respect for those who desperately cling to such an image but I have an enormous respect for people like you who are honest, courageous and secure enough to tell the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, that means so much to me. I’m struggling immensely right now with all these feelings and it just is so…exhausting. I’m not suicidal but I wish I were dead. It’s just been a really rough week. I have a doctor appointment Monday, hopefully I just need some medication changes.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey my good friend is going through rapid cycling bipolar, I would like to know more about how he feels during the rapid mood swings , it drives me insane when he pushes me away and go no contact all the time he’s in a mood. I think I’m going to give up on him because I can’t take his mood swings anymore but then again I saw ur post about rapid cycling and thought I should ask u how it really feels to go through it .. thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a bit hard to explain when you haven’t experienced it but my advice would be to give him space when he needs it, tell him you dont understand what bes going through but you’ll be there for him whatever way he needs you, and have a lot of patience. It’s hard for him and for you. You have to understand that it isn’t our fault. We can’t control our own chemistry. We are trapped in our minds sometimes and it’s very difficult to get out of them. I hope this helps.

      Like

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