The thing about grief.


A dear friend asked me to write about grief. It’s a difficult subject for me. Simply because we all deal with grief in our own ways. Everyone knows about the five stages of grief. I’m not going to write about that though. I’m not going to say it gets easier, or that you feel it less. Because that would be bull shit. One thing this blog isn’t is bull shit.

The loss of someone or something never gets easier. Whether an animal, friend, spouse, lover, parent, sibling or a relative in any form. Telling you that would be a lie. People say it does but I would have to disagree.

As humans, we learn that life continues. While one life ends, and our world feels like it is crumbling around us, while we are weeping on our knees, praying that God will take our pain away, the world keeps turning.

People keep going to work, bills keep accruing, children go to school. Our heart breaks and shatters but the world does not stop for grief and that is perhaps the hardest thing about it. Knowing that while you are falling apart, nothing else is.

Here’s something else no one tells you about grief. It isn’t always just death you grieve. You can lose a lover, spouse, friend, family member-without death. And you will grieve them just the same. After all, it is still a loss.

I’ve found the only way over loss is through it. You have to allow yourself to feel it. Cry, and scream, and pray. Fall apart. Don’t try and put it in a box and hide it deep within yourself because those things have a way of coming back later, and you will have to deal with it one way or another.

Allow yourself to be human and feel. It will lessen slightly day by day until eventually, it won’t feel like you’re breaking every time you think of them. You get used to the idea that they are gone. That’s not to say it hurts less, you just get used to it. Don’t try to rush it either. Just sit in the uncomfortableness and allow yourself time to heal. Day by day, you will be able to pick up your pieces and go on with life, and one-piece will always be theirs.

Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Love, Mental Health, PTSD, self-care, Suicide, Writing

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