Today is Daylight Savings and I am just exhausted. I feel like I’ve been moving in a fog all weekend, I just have no energy at all. Creatively I haven’t had much to say and I find that so frustrating. I love to write and lately, nothing will come out. I’ve started and deleted many posts in the last few weeks. Today I figured I will just let it flow. Word vomit.

I still love my job. It has been almost three months and I still enjoy it every day. We are a bit slow right now though and I find that concerning. I worry about not having a job if some things don’t change. I pray that they will.

As I sit in my office my dog is lying on the floor next to me sleeping, lightly snoring away in contentment. It was the nicest day but I was freezing most of it. I layered up like a freaking Eskimo. I guess I am a true California girl because the slightest chill and I am adding on the clothes.

I’ve thought about babies a lot lately. Adoption. Fostering. Where to even start? I feel at a loss. I am mostly emotionless when I think about the fact that I cannot conceive. It just is a fact for me. Like gravity, or space. At 31 I feel like my window is closing to be a mother and it makes me deeply sad. A sadness that I carry around with me most days. Heavy like a cape around my shoulders.

I need to start exercising. I am the heaviest I’ve ever been thanks to my sedentary lifestyle and PCOS. I am tired of what I look like. Most days I feel zero motivation though. I want to start running again but I’m so out of shape I don’t know if that’s a great idea. Being a girl is hard. My hubby is overweight as well but he still gets hit on. I feel invisible.

Anyways that’s my life right now. Thank you for reading and supporting me. I truly appreciate it. ❤

Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Infertility, Mania, Mental Health, OCD, Parenting, PCOS, Pregnancy, Self Esteem, self-care, Writing