She was sitting naked on the balcony wrapped in a blanket, overlooking the vast ocean.

He handed her a beer, cracked it open. She listened to the hissssss of the pressure releasing.

“Do you think you could love me?”, She asked. Standing up, looking deep into his eyes, as blue as the sky was that afternoon. He kissed her and walked back into the room without a word.

She didn’t cry. She just drank her beer and listened to the waves crashing against the cliff side.

That night, after he was asleep, she left the room and walked down to the ocean access stairway. It was railed off, but easy enough to crawl under the rope. She walked to the edge of the ocean, let the biting cold water lick at her feet. It was dense fog and mist. Not another person anywhere close. She could barely make out the hotel from where she stood

How easy it would be, she thought. To start swimming out, and let the ocean take her away from all this.

It was the closest she’d come to suicide. She stayed there for a long time that night. Sitting in the cold, damp sand, drinking. Not feeling anything really. She was too numb. How easy it could be indeed…

Photo by Srikanta H. U on Unsplash

Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Mania, Mental Health, OCD, Self Esteem, self-care, Writing

Tags: #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #ocd #medication #life #struggles #suicideprevention #education #reachout #notalone #bipolar