PCOS My light at the end of the tunnel

I have finally decided to write about the last part of my PCOS journey. The decision that my husband and I have made about having a baby, or not having one, as it were. The thing is, as you know if you’ve read part 1 and 2 of my PCOS journey, is that medication, treatment, doctor appointments, tests, procedures, were all so incredibly hard for me. Not just physically but more so mentally.

I stopped all of my psych medications in case I did conceive so my baby would be healthy and in turn, my mental health spiraled. I was a wreck. By the end of it, I had a mental breakdown and left work for several months before ultimately losing my job (even though I was technically laid off, I’m 99.9% sure my absence did not help).

Then I started a new job and the insurance was great but the pay-not so much. So back at square one. Anyone who knows anything about fertility treatment knows that it’s expensive. It all adds up so fast. Now I am starting a new job where I will be making considerably more money, and in the last six months, I have been seriously contemplating my future with-and without kids.

I’ve come to two ultimate realizations for myself: one, I for sure want a child, at least one, and two, I don’t want to go through any more treatment at all, nothing. Including IVF. So as you may have guessed my option has become adoption.

For a long time, and sometimes still, I wondered why did God do this to me? I think I would be a wonderful mother. Everyone I know thinks I would too. I have all this love to give, and my husband would be an amazing father.  So why? When people that don’t deserve to have children, like addicts can have six and not take care of any of them, and have them taken away. I’ve decided that the reason for this is because God needs people like me and my husband because we are capable of loving a child that isn’t ours like it is.

So that is my next journey. We are going to attend the orientation for foster to adopt here in our city/county once I’m settled at this job and have paid off a bit of our debt, and hopefully, I will be able to start writing posts about my baby girl sometime this year, maybe twins?

(Don’t tell my husband…)

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash



Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Infertility, Mania, Mental Health, OCD, Parenting, PCOS, Pregnancy, Self Esteem, self-care

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