It isn’t normal to feel like the entire world is falling apart around you all the time. To cry until your ribs ache and you have no tears left coming out. To think that everyone hates you and always will. To be so anxious that you make yourself throw up. These feelings aren’t normal and they don’t have to become your normal.
It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to feel weak. It is okay to cry. You are still strong, and capable, and worthy of life. Even though a lot of the men in your life did let you down, they won’t always. Someday you will find a few that don’t. A husband, a friend, a father figure. They will love you regardless of your imperfections. The right ones will actually love those intricacies about yourself that you hate.
You deserve to be happy. Therapy and medication don’t make you weak, it doesn’t mean there is something inherently wrong with you. You are not broken. You are not unfixable. You just need a little help, and the truth is that everyone does at some point.
When you look in the mirror do not hate yourself and judge yourself as you see the girls in magazines and pictures. Embrace the beauty that you have and age gracefully. When you feel like you can’t face the world, it is okay to take a break. It is okay not to answer the phone, and it is okay to take a nap. Be kind to yourself and remember that your brain is fighting a battle, and sometimes you’ll need to recharge.
Love fearlessly, unconditionally, and often. You’ll learn that love isn’t always what you thought it was but instead is multi-faceted like a gem. It evolves and grows. Don’t mourn the loss of friends. Some people will stay with you for life, but others are only meant to be around for a small time. Just cherish the friends you have, when you have them. Kick toxic people out of your life and don’t hold any guilt for it. Toxic people are like poison to your soul and you don’t need that. No one does.
Lastly, love the family and friends you have fiercely. They will be the ones to help you up when you fall. Let you lean on them when you cry, and listen when you feel small and alone.
Yourself but much older (not so much wiser though…)