I made an appointment. I went to appointment. Long story short, my doctor upped my Abilify and my Trazadone and has me taking it in the AM rather than at night. I feel like a whole new person. And yet I am still frustrated. My depression has been in check and I have been doing better but for me, it’s a catch twenty-two.

when I am battling and sad, writing just comes to me. It flows from me like blood from a wound. Which is fitting I suppose, since I am wounded when I am in those moments. When I am happy I am almost zombie-like in that I don’t have anything much to say. I want to write but it’s like nothing is there.

Does this mean I am not a good writer? Do I lack talent?  Or is it just the starving artist conundrum? Do we write better when we are in pain? Or scared? Or sad? Or exhausted? I stare at my computer most days and I think to myself, “there must be something inside of me that is waiting to come out”. Yet nothing does.

And anything I do try to write lacks substance. Lacks emotion. Why is it that I have to be miserable to write well? I would love to know if anyone else goes through this as well. Please let me a comment to tell me if this is a common thing or am I just grasping at straws here?

Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Homeopathic Remedies, Mania, Mental Health, OCD, Self Esteem, self-care, Writing