What the world doesn’t know (about me)

I love the smell of old metal keys and brass door knobs. Fog is my favorite weather. I want to travel the world. See the pyramids of Giza and the Swiss Alps. The scent of garlic reminds me of my mother and classic chapstick of my father. I love the wet earth after a rain when everyone is sleeping and the whole world is still quiet. I prefer a sunset to a sunrise, ribbons of pink and orange across the sky. Throw pillows bring me joy. I’d rather be comfortable than cute. I can spell excellently. My favorite subject in school was history. I had a lot of “friends” but no real ones in school, I generally just floated around between groups. I never felt like I belonged.

I have a tiny shelf of tiny things I’ve collected since I was a child. I think legos or extremely underrated for adults. I love walking through the toy aisle and seeing the way toys have changed since I was a child. I miss the snow. I wish I was thinner so I could dress cooler and be edgier. I want a lot more tattoos. I love piercings. I think nipples are weird. I hate confrontation, even like calling a utility company to dispute a charge gives me immense panic attacks. I love dollhouses and often watch dollhouse and miniature videos on youtube. I’m mostly of German ancestry and was born in Bitburg. I am terrified of sharks and heights. I’ve been writing poetry since elementary school.

I love old western moves (especially Clint Eastwoods). Sometimes when I am close to the ocean, I feel an overwhelming need to swim out and let the water take me under. I write a lot of lists. For everything, all the time. I collect journals but I never finish them, only start them. I am obsessed with pens. Cleopatra is my favorite historical subject as well as anything Egyptian. I don’t think people should exchange gifts for Christmas, that was not the original intention and I think we as a society, need to bring it back to a time of togetherness and love. I can’t watch the news because everything bad feels like it’s actually happening to me and I get so very sad that I go into a bout of depression that is very hard to get back out of. I wear my great grandmother’s wedding band.

Lastly, when I love you, I will love you unconditionally, with everything that I have and am. I will love you forever, even if something happens between us. I will always carry part of you inside my heart and my love will never waver. I believe that if you truly love someone you also give them a piece of yourself and that is not something to be taken lightly. I have loved a lot in my life and regardless of being hurt, I still believe that love is something we all need more of and I try to live by that every day.



Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Homeopathic Remedies, Mania, Mental Health, OCD, self-care, Writing

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