When you say, “you’re lucky you don’t have children because school clothes are sooo expensive”. When you say it will happen when the time is right. When you offer advice that I didn’t ask for. When you tell me about your friend’s brothers cousins wife-who did this or that and got pregnant. When I walk through the baby aisle at a store and see all the tiny socks lined up. When I see people announce their pregnancies on Facebook or Instagram. When I go to a baby shower and see all the happiness that I don’t have. When the pregnancy test is negative for the hundredth time. When the medicine didn’t work. When you feel like a failure because your body has betrayed you. When you see a baby at a restaurant or a store and they are beautiful and laughing and full of joy. When you don’t have a period again and again. When you know that you will never feel tiny feet and small flutters of little eyelashes against your cheek. When you don’t think about babies at all but somehow think about them all the time. When someone jokes that kids are expensive and insists that you are somehow blessed to have none. It hurts. Not sometimes. All the time. It is an ache you carry with you. A weight that you can’t seem to let go. I don’t want pity, or advice, or even prayer-I just want you to know, it hurts.
Can you? ›