Sometimes I want to get in my car and drive until it runs out of gas. Leave everything behind-my family, my friends, my job. Not because I don’t love them all but because I want to see the world. I want to talk to strangers and put my feet on sandy shores I’ve never been to before. It’s this impulse I’ve always had. To be completely alone (except maybe my dog). I’m not really an introvert at my core but this sense of wanting to run away overwhelms me sometimes.
I dream of faraway lands, green hills, and cold, clean air. I feel like a foreigner in my own country. I want to watch the mist settle on grassy fields. The sun rising over the baking desert. I want to ride camels by the pyramids and drift down the Nile. Dance in the rain in London. Drink at an old pub in Ireland and smile at a handsome man. I wake up feeling lost and stationary. Like I don’t belong here, in this life I have. In my dreams I am alive like fire, burning anything in my path. A wanderer. I want to contribute to these places. Leave a mark on each city I visit. So when I die there are pieces of me in every place. My scent, my smile. I’ll leave traces of them everywhere I go and then you’ll know my love, that you’ll never be alone.
For Michael. Always.
Categories: Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, Gardening, Homeopathic Remedies, Infertility, Mental Health, OCD, Organization, PCOS, Planting, Pregnancy, Self Esteem, self-care, Travel, Wanderlust