They say to be a good writer you must write about what you know. For me, that isn’t a lot. I’m not stupid but there isn’t one specific subject I am an expert about. What I know is I like to write. It is therapeutic for me. I also know I generally have a lot to say but have some trouble getting it out. To me, writing has always come naturally to a certain point and then I just blank. In the past I have written poetry, I have tried to write books, I have tried and failed at maintaining a blog. Today I realize that while I do write well, I don’t necessarily write those things well (though I still think I am okay with poetry).
What I do write well about is myself. I am unashamed to write exactly how and what I am feeling. As soon as I know what exactly that is. I have no shame in saying that I have a mental illness. Aside from the shame that society makes me feel. I just can’t wrap my mind around why there is still such a stigma around it. By now this sounds like a broken record I’m sure. But honestly why? Shouldn’t we be talking about this? Loudly. With force. The same force we are hearing in political discussions across our nation. Why are so many people still scared and alone and not getting help? There are resources so why aren’t they being used. I am not necessarily looking for answers to these questions right now. I know everyone has an opinion on these things, but I think the start of any issue is a conversation. There are currently sixty-something Ted Talks on Mental Health. Am I just being ridiculous or does that seem like a small amount compared to the over two thousand videos on the site?
Sometimes I think my calling is helping people that feel the way I feel. I am the first to speak about my mental illness. I don’t hide it and I hate when people say things like, “Oh, I’m soo OCD,” when they don’t struggle with actual OCD. It is beyond frustrating. When I mention that I am diagnosed with OCD and take medication for it, the reactions are different every time. Some seem sad for me, others try and are understanding. Some judgmental. Mostly I see the shock. The shock that I will so willingly talk about it. So openly discuss that yes, I have issues. And yes, I take medications. I would love to get to a place where the shock is no longer a reaction. Where it is okay to verbalize that I have mental illness and that I still am also a functioning member of society (most of the time). If I ever get the chance to make that happen I think maybe I will finally feel fulfilled. Whether that is attainable or not is a whole other blog post.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my TedTalk.